


My Cucumber

by BadBatch (Forever_Cynical)



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, In the style of My Immortal, Pure Crack, crack!fic, cucumber and eggplants not used as food but not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28669284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Cynical/pseuds/BadBatch
Summary: Yennefer is the true witch. She knows that eggplants are better than cucumbers.
Relationships: Sabrina Glevissig/Triss Merigold, Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 9
Kudos: 17





	My Cucumber

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BloodInTheFields](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodInTheFields/gifts).



_This is for Bloodinthefields who encourages me when she probably shouldn’t._

Hi, my name is Yennefer “fuck that Djinn” santanico pandemonium of Vengerberg. I have long black hair, proper violet eyes, dis is my best quality don’t be fuckin’ mean, only people like Vilgefartz are mean. Lots of people tell me I totally look like Morgana and if you don’t know who the fuck that is, you ain’t worth this bitches time.

Anyway…

I am like a total fucking awesome sorceress and I am like totally breaking into Artetuza, my old school, ain’t no Hogwarts shit here, that shit is for like total prepz. No disrespect to Bellatrix Le Strangle, you da real homie!

Now like, I’m hidden round a corner and I can fucking see Sabrina and Triss walking along giggling with a cucumber. Fucking prepz. Only prepz use cucumbers, fucking eggplants is the new veggie to use in your sexy times.

“Yo Sabrino.” I yell as I round the corner. “I see that fucking cucumber you filthy slut.”

“Well, if it isn’t Yennafo the hoe.” Sabrina smirks at me, Triss cowering behind her. She’s always been scared of my power because I’m like the top witch or something.

“You’re the hoe, only Sabrina the teenage witch uses a cucumber.” I cackle as Tramp falls over at the pure power of my insult.

“You’re only here to hide in a closet and masturbate to Tissaia.” Stefabrina replies as she throws tramp over her shoulder, she brandishes the cucumber at me and I bite off the end of it.

Good luck using it as a double ended dildo now, slut.

“I’m telling the Rectriss on ya!” Sabrino yells as she runs away with Trissle bouncing up and down over her shoulder.

“Tell her, I’m not scared of Tissyaia!” I yell back. They think I’m scared of The Rectross. They don’t fucking know me at all.

I’m Yennefer “Fuck the Djinn” Santanico Pandemonium, I deal with danger ever day. I’ve got my bitcher to back me up and his little musical sexboy. I ain’t scared of no ghost.

I mean Rectoress.

“You’re not scared of me, Yennefer of Vegerberg?” Titsia looks at me with those beautiful eyes and my panties drop the floor.

“I want you!” I yell. “I want to use an eggplant not a cucumber like those fucking prepz!”

“I want you too!” Titsaia screams as she falls to the ground. Oh no.

My love has killed her.

I quickly use my super secret vampire powers (fuck you I have them okay, you don’t know me.) and bite her neck. She comes back to life instantly.

“Yennfeo.” She gasps throwing her head side to side. “I didn’t know you were a vampire.”

“I turned into one just to save you because I think you’re fucking sexy, you make my clit engorge.” She almost faints and I kiss her again.

“Lets use two eggplants.” She gasps into my mouth.

“Yes lets use all the veggies in Tramps garden and cum until the sun goes down.” She gasps at my dirty talk.

“I love you Yennefer.” Tissaia almost dies at how powerful our love is.

“I love you too Tissaia.” We kiss and the I magic us into our room and we use eggplants until we almost die from how powerful our love and sexy times is.

Thanks for reading my story.

I’m Yennefer “Fuck the Djinn” Santanico Pandemonium of Vengerberg and eggplants are better than cucumbers. 


End file.
